I was going to play Cleopatra

in a musical called “Nile High Club”

I was cast by a young director

Who’d discovered me in the pub.

He had dark brooding eyes

and was lean and very het’ro

And he offered to show me the script

in his flat over the Tesco Metro

I was young

I was keen

For the stage

and the screen

But the part I received

Wasn’t what I’d believed

He was offering me

And you see

I would have been star of the screen

If I hadn’t been so desperately keen

I had singing you’d sigh for

And high kicks to die for

But the talent doesn’t do it

Alone

Every writer of the day

would have written me a play

If i hadn’t got in that car

To play crummy Cleopatra

As a young naive hoofer

Who had dreams of a Sony

I believed in Cleopatra

But I just got Tony!

And of course he did say

he would phone ...

And the upshot of the tale

is you cannot trust a male

so you’re left with Summer Season

till you nearly lose your reason

then the day comes when you know

Cleopatra isn’t going to show ...

Chorus

We’re too old now for the chorus

(Never mind the line):

Our high kicks are hobbles,

Our high Cs are wobbles;

And the trouble with the figure

Is it’s always getting bigger;

And we can’t recall the lyric

And to hold a tune’s a mirac-

le now (poor cow).

We’re in decline

(Poor us).

We’re even too old for the chorus.

And the upshot of the tale

is you cannot trust a male

so you’re left with Summer Season

till you nearly lose your reason

then the day comes finally

Bringing cellulite and HRT ...

Chorus

We’re too old now for the chorus

(Never mind the line):

Our high kicks are hobbles,

Our high Cs are wobbles;

And the trouble with the figure

Is it’s always getting bigger;

And we can’t recall the lyric

And to hold a tune’s a mirac-

le now (poor cow).

We’re  in decline

(Poor us).

We’re even too old,

Out in the cold,

We’re even  too old for the chorus.Too old for the Chorus